Sheep
(A second “Letter to my Niece”…)
I have two boys. It’s enough of a job to raise them to an age
where you allow them out into the world, worried about the dangers, of driving,
of risky behavior. But I think that must
pale in comparison to the worries of a father of young girls. Trying to prepare them to wander out, into “the jungle”, and somehow remain safe,
while doing the things they want to do, accomplishing the goals they have. It’s natural, I think , for a father with
daughters to want to “lock them away”, to protect, to safeguard, to stand
between them and anything that would
do them harm. But it’s also natural for
young women to want to go out, to meet other people, young men, to find
romance, love, adventure, careers, creating a potentially stormy conflict between
a father who would “lock them in the
tower”, and a girl who wants to “ride
off into the sunset”.
So, if we can’t stop them, and dad’s,
let’s get this straight right now…we can’t…then
what do we do ? I think the next best
thing is to prepare them, to instruct
and caution them so they don’t wind up in danger…wind up a headline. If we teach them to “smell evil” to recognize
danger, to seek “the protection of the pack”, then we arm them to protect
themselves, and thus enable them to safely accomplish their dreams. And hopefully, do so without making us crazy
in the process.
Karate class ? Not a bad idea. Mostly, I think such a class could teach
self-confidence, could be good exercise, and of course, they can meet cute boys
there. But really, I think the best way
to avoid trouble is to be able to identify and to avoid dangerous situations in
the first place. If we keep ourselves
(all of us) out of dark alleys, keep an eye on our surroundings, think ahead
about what we are doing and do it in a smart way, we may never need the karate
we learned. After all, getting into a
fight involves some really serious risk, so better to act in a way that
prevents the need for such risk. I think
all of us watch ourselves when we travel, or go to unfamiliar places, not just
women…but women must do so even more.
The Natalee Holloway case surfaced again
a couple of months back. A jawbone
washed ashore. It appeared to be from a
young female. The world waits for word
on whether or not it belongs to Ms. Holloway.
If so, it will be the first remains found since her disappearance, the
first proof that she is dead, and that a murder actually took place.
Natalee disappeared on a High School
Graduation trip to Aruba in 2005. It was
a trip her parents allowed her to go on, I’m sure not without nervousness, but
of course they trusted her to be careful.
They also trusted the chaperons.
There were several chaperons on the trip, but I suppose now we should
make the case that there weren’t enough.
She went with friends, and partied with them because friends keep an eye
on friends, and look out for them. We
could also make the case that the friends didn’t do a good enough job, or that
they were just not prepared properly for the task. They didn’t realize how dangerous it was for
a young woman to slip away from the pack, to be left alone.
Fault could be placed all around. Fault with the parents for allowing her to
go, for not preparing her. Fault with
the school and the chaperons, for not seeing the seriousness of their mission, and not preventing disaster. Fault with
the friends, for not closing ranks, for not preventing Natalee from going off
alone. But largely, fault with
Natalee. She drank too much, she went
with strangers who may have slipped her a date-rape-drug, strangers she should
not have trusted. She slipped away from
her friends, wanted to party, didn’t want to call it a night, didn’t heed the
pleading of friends who wanted to hang on to her. She left with strangers, and was never seen
again.
It’s time to talk about coyotes. Not the “Wiley
Coyote” type. Not the smart critters
that inhabit much of the western U.S., catching rabbits, stealing
chickens. I’m talking more about the
Mexican definition of a Coyote, a person who will steal, cheat, who cannot be
trusted. In this context, instead of
stealing chickens, they steal young girls, mistreat, rape, murder. Natalee was taken by coyotes. She strayed from
the safety of the group, of the “flock”, she was the sheep off to the side, the
one that lagged behind, the easy target.
And they took her.
The lesson here, the whole point of this
ranting, it that our young
girls need to be taught, prepared. They
need to understand, unfortunately in graphic detail, what can happen. They must not be “that sheep”. They
mustn’t be the slowest, the foolish, the stray sheep. They have to be one of the smart ones. That doesn’t just mean staying in the middle
of the pack, being uninteresting, never having fun. It’s just means “being smart”. Don’t stay home, but go out in a smart way,
stay away from the dangerous, seek out the light, stay with friends, and stick
with friends you can trust, and by all means, listen to them when they say “come on, it’s time to go”.
Now, girls, being girls, will
rebel. If we try too hard to coach them,
to teach them, it will feel like “control.” They will not like it, and will rebel (of
course, that’s not just girls, it’s boys too, and even me, if you push
me). So this “dance” has to be carefully choreographed. It has to be constructive, it has to come
from the heart. Or it will come to
nothing.
So girls, listen up…we want to tell you
about the dangerous beasts that lurk out there.
Do yourself a favor…listen.
-
Uncle Mark
31-March-2016
Natalee Ann Holloway
was an American
teenager
who disappeared on
May 30, 2005,
while on a high
school graduation trip
to Aruba, a Dutch
island in the Caribbean. Wikipedia
 |
| Photo by Mark W. Laughlin |
